Nowadays, especially after our reign has dawned upon us, we begin to subconcsiously drift apart from each other. Friendships painstakingly built up over the years, now face the strain as we seek liberation from all that has bestowed upon us. As we are plummered into an anvil from which the burden supresses us, our self-righteous personality begins to surface, espcially in times uncalled for. Hence, many percieved it as a means to belittle them, annihilating the trust that has revolve around them, and obliterating all our pressious feeling we have for each other. Extroverts mention words of insensitivity, causing the introverts to dwell in self denial. And we are drawn into a dellusionised viscious cycle that only leaves us in utter ruin. I fear, that after all that we have sacrifised, we may lose our camaraderie, and isolate ourselves from others. The worries I have for our friendship has significantly heightened as I am now surrounded with doubt as to whether we can sustain our friendships with one another, considering the way in which the situation is evolving. The world is antagonising me, as I fear the inevitable cataclysmic scenario where we go our seperate ways. Becoming an  NCO has seriously strained our ties, and if not salvaged soon, our interpersonal conflicts might result in the inability for us to reconsolidate the friendships we had. If so, than perhaps it was not so bad being the naive and overseeing cadet, who did not have to bear the burden that such might be unable to comprehend. Week after week, new conflicts arise, increasing in seriousness and magnitude. From mere dislike, it, under the seed of deception, evolved into an unfathomable situation that has torn our souls apart. But even I had my own share of contributing to the situation as it is now. I now realised how I have indirectly sparked many of these conflicts. So much so that I begin to pounder over the fact that I am the liability and that all these charades were initiated by my mere presence. If that being the case, I guess I am truely a failure in this wretched world. My only hope, is that I am able to repent and salvage the situation within a short period of 1.5 years before we once again torn apart due to our education system. Much tension brews amongst us, and perhaps we might never see redemtion before our time is up. My friends in SJAB are truely the best and I dread the day we are torn apart due to our own personal conflicts. And as of now, I plead that we might resolve the situation in the midst of what it has becomed. I hope that not all has turned to vain ambition and that we might not use our grieve as a cloak to isolate ourselves from others. Trust must be instilled before we can resolved our problems, before it falls into decay. To see a glismpe of the future in which we are progressing, we would only bear witness to the genocide that desintigrates our souls. My only hope now is that I am able to revert back to the times, where such tension was non-existant. Would you guys grant me my wish?.....................

Personally, I do not have the slightest idea as to what is becoming with society nowadays. Unreasonable and insensitive people unfold and reveal their distinct presence at unexpected times. They blunder us with their nonsencical remarks, emerging from the inexplicable abyss and to literally obliterate and crush our spirits and pride. I will not mention names, but to me, these serpents and their foul tongue ought to do society a favour by terminating their witless lives. When in the realisation that one's power is at stake, they utilise underhand and sinister methods to wreck havoc upon their adversary, in hopes of crushing his soul to such that the treat is removed. Though I am not one to face the wrath of the likes of those sort of people, it spears my heart to see a friend of mine having to endure the searing acid drip of corruption those failures in life cast at us. Can these people not have the sense to understand the consequences that such implications might result in? Chances had been given to the particular person whom i am refering to to end this quarry against us, but instead he utilizes this oppotunity to smother us with chlorofoam in hopes that the drug takes immediate effect so that we are rendered harmless for your despicable accension above us. And i will not deny that this ingrate is none other than "smelly shit"(most of you should know who this is). I sacrifised 1.5 hours trying in all my efforts to persuade him to lay low and even give him advice in hopes that we might accept him in due time. However, he regards them for naught and instead, backstabs us and ruining and literally tear us apart from the inside. And when the battle had been lost, they resort to using higher authority to come and instill fear into us. And now it has becomed and unfathomable situation in which an inexplainable hatred begins to surface within my subconsciousness. He has now earned the eternal wrath from us in which he has no means of escaping. The clutches of doom encycles him, residing camoflaged, waiting for the oppotuned moment to unleashed a fury that he would never comprehend. His insatiable need to attract our attention had been interpreted as aggression and now as the avenue for diplomacy is removed out of context, a battle is imminent in which the victor has already been decided. How can one ever utter words of critisism and personal insult directly in their speech. They claim that they are better and insinuate through their teeth how they had desreved the post. When someone is incompetant, why resort to underhand methods to eliminate others above him? That is totally dispicable which i think degrades himself to being a low class typical asshole. And by requesting a senior to fight your battle, to me is beyond human. You do not know how excrutiating the misery is that you had dawned upon us. Bear this in my you son of a bitch, you will never gain my forgiveness ever. Firstly you incinerated my soul by killing my trust in you. Secondly, you hurt a good friend of mine by asking another of your damned "chess piece" to deliver a a hamerstroke that shattered his pride. Now that the ball is in our court, you will be cursed and most definately ostracised for eternity. Now longer would we care about the likes of you to such that even your demise would be insignificant to us. Your pathetic imaged which had scorned us would instantaneously be relinquished and without doubt you would be forgotten. Do not see this as a time to reconsider your strategy for your planned is already foiled. I gave you a chance, but you neglected it, and now you will suffer the consequences for you actions. You try to enhance your seemingly dispositioned self in SJAB by enforcing disciplinary action on my juniors for totally rediculous allegations against their actions in which you also commit till this day. Do not try me for i am not to be trifled with when situation evolve into such a scenario. You are giving us hell and if you do not mind me saying, you are a liability not only to us, but your deranged self as well. When people treat you with concern, you repay them with a tone of resentment which might had caused a war especially in the situation you are in now. You dug your grave and now its time for us to fill it with you in it. I really want to relinquish you from my thoughts completely. I will never succumb to your plead for forgiveness. You say we show no discrepancy, but in reality its you who is really the one to initiate the turn of events. You want our forgiveness, make it a public one and maybe we might consider. You have been pushed into a point unsalvagable; whereby in the midst of the chaos that surrounds you, that you might just do what is right....................

Now, my life has taken an abrupt change without much pleasure. For one, not only were we  incapable of establishing good platform for our subsequent roles as a leader, but liason with our members was also flawed. And all this eventually resulted in a catatrophic disaster as eveident on SJAB day, whereby we were completly mocked by the entire school for not performing as we should have. To say crudely, we freaking screwed up the oath in which we had blatantly neglected. 2 days of rehersals went without the speech rendered the entire process redundant. Now that we look back upon this wretched moment of our lives, this had proven to be the biggest unfathomed mistake that could ever dawned upon us in the entire history of SJAB. And it was also the eventual catalyst which eradicated all wavering hope from our officers. I do not know how we can possibly pluck up the courage to face the rest of the school in which we have disappointingly let down. The laughter which followed after the flawed made in our oath felt like needles penertrating my skin, and i still had to stand there rooted to the ground, enduring the searing pain of it all while being smothered with absolute shame. I know for a fact that the fall of MSHSJAB is only imminent, should we keep up at this pace. After all, it is what many officers too have forseened as well. We have degenerated to a point close to being unslavagable, if we are unable to bring back the standards, than the MSHSJAB would become obsolete to enter a void neither good nor bad. Now after such a apocalyptic event had unfold, i do not know if I even have the morale to continue with a corps that has been deemed hopeless by other uniform groups. If left dormant, i fear that MSHSJAB would crumble bitterly in our hands. The shame of having make a mokery of ourselves has left a permanant scar in my heart. And on saturday, our first activity has arrived in just a blink of the eye. Despite the "reputation" now in which we had unwittingly claimed after SJAB day, i hope that we would be able to pull through in our efforts to restore our position before it feel into utter ruin and relinquish all the bad name and impression that others have bestowed upon us. I know we would face constant and sometimes unbearable insults against our self image, but if we persevere, we would be able to break off from the vicious cycle in which we had been trapped in for the past few years. We had tolerated and recieved unless punishments which when put into good context, are actually lessons in disguise. And now it is time for us to convert our potential energy to kinetic energy and ensure that in this due course, we are able to obtain maximum efficiency. And by doing so, aligning us back into place in terms of our discipline standards which i personally feel is the critical issue that many are contemplating over with regards to marist. The sense of unity and pride to the corps is obviously lacking and there is no camaraderie amongnst us. Sometimes to extent that conflict results, and thus the NCOs are further distant from one another. Sometimes quarrels do occur and due to our inablilities to restrain our emotions during that moment of folly, we unintentionally hurt others, or competely obliterate their sense of pride. And as explicit and liberal many of us youngsters are these days, the degree of usage of obscene languages and actions is also incredibly heightened. And often, we cannot balance well our own social life, with moments where discipline is expected. Thus we get punish for inacceptable behaviour which we have adopted in our daily lives. Now liberty of speech and spending of incredible amounts of money for our own self -indulgence has become a common place. Hence our behaviour is unaccepted by people of the older generation whom might take moral values with high regards. Which explains the resons as to why certain officers just simply are incapable of understanding us. And some of their stubborness and reluctance to change ultimately bred a corps which compromised of nothing more than materialistic members who have no loyalty whatsoever to the corps. And hence the corps as a whole will deteoriate. Untill a time when there comes someone who might implement new rules to align itself with the society as it is now, instead of persistantly sticking to a flawed system which has come to become obsolete. Do  not give up on us when 50% of the issues were orchestrated by you guys. My suggestion to MSHSJAB? forget about the past glory we have achieved, looking at the deranged state we are in now, i guess its best to be more realistic and accept the fact that whats past is past and that we are unable to improve should we persistantly dwell on things which are non-existant anymore. We should not focus on achieving great stuff when we have our own personal problems in the first place. If we should fail to understand this crisis that has been cast upon us, it will only result in the pepetuation of the corps as it is now. Do not entice sec1 students with past trophies just so to lure them into joining our CCA. As a cadet once, i know the feeling and rage a sec1 feels the instant he realises he has been decieved and that the standard of our corps is not as what he expected it to be. Thus many will lose their faith in MSHSJAB and would rather join other CCAs such as scouts, npcc and ncc(sea). You know what has got to be done, so make the right choices, for one day when the air is stale and the night has fallen, we would know how the hammer stroke falls its hardest upon us. THIS IS FOR ALL TO READ, IF YOU ALL CAN BEAR THE LENGTHY SENTENCES AND HAVE THE PATIENCE TO READ BEYOND THE WORDS TO DISCOVER THE TRUE UNDERLYING MEANING FOR A CRAPLOAD OF WORDS, WOULD THE TRUTH THAN BE KNOWN ABOUT HOW I FEEL ABOUT MSHSJAB.......... 

 

Before i begin, though this is rather delayed, happy birthday dexian and hope u had enjoyed the party we had planned for you. Next is Chong Kai so be prepared haha! The anxiety is overwhelming and school is just a couple of days away. Day by day the inevitable abyss "school" proceeds closer to us. And unbeknowingly, we are swept of our feets, anxiously completing scraps of homework in which we have subconciously neglected. Was there any consideration as to err..........dun feel like writing anymore...........................err.............frustrated.......................i.......can't...........take any more of this torment...........

I am so disappointed to hear that section 8 had been dissolved. Personally i feel that my bond with section 8 is greater than any ionic bond. Though there comes the rumor of Freddie and Jane, i feel that should section have remain together, we would have been able to achieve a lot together in the camp. Section 8 which include Freddie, Samuel, Zhi An, Chia Siang, Julian, Jane, Yuen Teng, Siew Ling, Zemin and of course our section NCO Thengboon, will always be remembered. Hey! Do keep in contact you guys, though we are from different schools, i am sure we can still meet up at times. Do keep in contact, do not let section 8's spirit die off...........I miss you guys........section 8 is the best............ 

I can't believe that there have been so many rumors with regards to relationships formed during the camp. For all we know, none of these pathetic self woven relationships are even anywhere close to being real. And yet despite all the warnings, some persistantly continue with such rediculous "matchmaking" system and somehow making fun of all this merely for his own selfish pleasure. Pehaps the perpetrator is indeed the lustful person who goes around thinking he is such an insufferable know it all. If he is unable to restrain himself than he should at least go and get himself a life. Firstly it started with Jane and Freddie and has now even progressed its way down to kahmeng and thengboon. Who knows when such nonsense will ever cease!

 

Do you honestly believe that continuation of such comments will get you a lot of attention, if you are unable to suppress the jealousy within you than i suggest you go to some asylum, or something. Than at least we will no longer have to bear the burden of such inaccurate accusations and mockery against us.

 

 

Hai ANCO camp is finally over and the envioronment has reverted to one of mere self indulgence. Sleeping and doing things at an accelerated rate had been instilled in us during the camp. Overall i have no complains about the camp except for the unfortuante turn of events such as the person who refused to admit losing he clothes which resulted in an subsequent events in which we will never ever forget. And also the dissolving of section 8 was also one of the unfortunate events that transpired. I hope all my section 8 mates did well in the camp. Going back to the issue of dishonesty, i find it dispicable that such cowardice could occur in this camp of ours. To admit ones mistakes is one of the basic criteria in which an NCO should abide. Yet the selfish person who refused to admit that he lost his clothes had actually led to the entire male division in our camp to have a punishment session throughout the night. And yet to see the all his camp mates suffering becauseof him, he still stubbornly refused to admit his mistake. Though admiting may have an impacable effect on him for the rest of the camp, but isn't it worse than to suffer the burden of guilt. This guy out there, i hope you are at least going to go back to your corps and admit for i know for a fact that retribution will come should persistantly keep in the dark. Remember no one is going to ostracise you if you admit. But if you are convicted, than every one wil do what you have always feared from the beginning.

Months of hardwork and persistance finally ceased with the zone FA competition which took place at NHQ yesterday. And yes unexpectly, most definately shocking, we managed to overcome all odds to eventually emerge as the 1st runner ups amongst the entire Ambulance cadet participants. The moment we were announced to be the 1st runner ups, a major influx of indescribable emotions  "smothered" me and my entire team. Though we were not able to bring mshs back to its former glory of being the undisputed zone champions for many consequtive years, but to achieve such outstanding results was sufficent to break me down to tears (no one saw it right). For all the hard work and inputs made by both my team and officers (especially jia cai & ian sir) i feel that we have at very most honoured their commitment that they have so painstakingly made on us. I like express my gratitude and thanks to all my team mates, Elliot no.2, John no.3 & Winston no.4 Without you guys and your amazing enthusiasm, we would not have made it. And upon the mshs AC3 team, we thank our 2 officers (trainers) who have sacrifised their precious time to train us. Without your perserverance and unswayable faith in our abilities, we would have been unable to discover the potential we had. This is the best and the most memoriable moments that i would evr have in mshsjab.  

 Its only 2 days, most probably less, to the one and only SJAB zone FA competition which will take place at the SJAB NHQ at beach road at approxmately 12pm. Though i claim to be rather calm and compossed, i'm actually a bundle of nerves, especially since the various officers have classified me to be the limiting factor which will ultimately determine our fate on that day. I hope i do not let down the rest of my competition members whom have seriously and willingly sacrificed their precious time just so to train and improve themselves in both their FA as well as their showmanship skills. But however, i just blatantly forget things which have been taught and my improvement rate seems to reached its saturation point. Honestly as the days go by, it inevitably heightens the my own emotional stress level, so much so to the extent that my rage becomes rather uncontrollable. And that i also tend to make radical decision, and that it also obscures my vision of things around me. Even during cases, i claim that i was never nervous and that my flaws were simply due to my forgetfulness. I really need to calm my nerves and i hope such similar events would not occur on the 4th of June. I'm still  NERVOUS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM REALLY SCARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!